How a “Bully” Fueled My Passion for Communications Coaching

Susan Reilly

Agency Founder. Persuasive Communications Expert. Health and Wellness Devotee. Serial Entrepreneur. Lover of Words. Visual Storyteller. Photographer. Sailing Buff. Views are My Own as the Owner.

January 19, 2024

Note: This blog is based on my experience. It is the real deal. The pronoun "they" is used intentionally.

They “yell” the prospect said.  The last two expert media coaches left the room crying.  What on Earth?  My curiosity was piqued.  My competitive nature was challenged.  Twelve months of supporting what sounded like a threatened animal ready to retaliate.  Nothing to cry about! My proposal was accepted.  The trainee was a new CEO who would be in the hot seat with financial, business, and sector specific media and of course shareholders. They were the face of a Fortune 500 company.  The assignment:  quarterly 8-hour sessions to prepare for these high profile media interviews and shareholder presentations. I fondly remember the first session like it was yesterday.  I was ready for the bullying beast.

As I prepped for the initial session, I pondered my approach. I was suspect that they shared the common trait of bullies.  According to mental health experts and research that trait is insecurity.  Insecurity so intense that intimidation is the wall used to prevent others from seeing the naked truth. Experts agree that bullies have major trust issues. These are challenging characteristic for communications trainers.

My goal was simple and that was to break this so-called bully down so that I would become a trusted adviser. The Doors song, “Break on Through” was my motivational mantra to help. This is no job for the feign of heart especially with leadership or individuals who have a volatile nature.  Anyone can review and drill using the standard tools and communications techniques.  I needed a strategy to build trust.  I opened with, “Today is designed to protect you and to ensure that you are happy with the outcome of your interviews and presentations.” While I do not profess to be a psychologist (even though it was among my triple major in college) or mental health expert, it is well-documented that somewhere along the line bullies were not protected early in life so their feelings of vulnerability compounded. As a result they build their own protective shields and intimidation is part of that.  My opening statement resonated.  We got off on off the right footing. No yelling. No bullying.

The cold hard truth was (and remains) at the core of my approach and feedback through the first and many subsequent sessions.  My prep was and always is a deep immersion.  While this should be a given, it has perplexed me when people come unprepared to any training session especially if they are leading or facilitating it.

The first session started.  We were in a room with a two-way mirror.  Some of the internal communications team was present.  I cleared the room.  No one wants to be under a microscope with an audience peering at them.  I grilled and grilled and grilled. My simulations with the trainee included changing styles, reordering questions, throwing in inaccuracies, flinging darts, interrupting and digressing for eight straight hours.  I was not bullying but I did make them sweat.  No yelling by either of us.  Just intense evaluation and message refinement.  I freely said that makes no sense. You just keep rambling.  That wasn’t the message.  Your facts are simply wrong. Do you really want to say that?  Stop talking. You look like you are in pain.  Take a deep breath and smile before the camera starts. I gave very precise feedback when they stumble.  With mutual respect, we discussed messaging and maneuvers, techniques, and tips to improve engagement, message accuracy and a conversational, confident tone.

They were insecure, perhaps a bit fearful compounded by egotistical thus the likely lashing out, bully-like behavior the Comms team shared with me. Honestly,  I have yet to train anyone who is  100 percent secure.  In fact, those who are braggadocio in my experience perform the worst.

The bright spot with this trainee was an immense sense of responsibility. They  wanted to do the best job possible devoid of embarrassment and make sure all the bases were covered.  There was never fear on my part.  I broke through and they were able to learn and get better at traversing challenging media interviews and Q&A formats.   Their fears evaporated and transformed into a desire for more challenges.  Mutual respect was high and their abilities to maneuver the media landscape were that of a champ. We even had some laughs.  Mission accomplished.

I felt immense gratification.  I went in prepared for the challenge and left with a burning passion to help others to deliver messages with clarity, conviction, and passion devoid of judgment.

Communications training is uncomfortable and if it isn’t then you are not likely to be getting very effective training.   Coaches must breakthrough individual barriers to successfully coach.  Honesty should be the foundation of any communications team.  Yet giving unbiased guidance about communications performance  can be a challenge given the unique idiosyncrasies of leaders and internal politics teams face every day.  Many internal experts can maintain great relations while openly dissing a CEO’s communications skills, but it is never comfortable or easy and not without risk.  Outside counsel can have greater success cutting to the chase to help leadership become more effective communicators. We just walk away at the end of the day.   Furthermore, leaders do not always want their teams to see them revealing their insecurities so outside communications expert may be more effective. We have nothing at stake except to help trainees deliver messages with impact, accuracy, and authenticity.

I became a trusted adviser.  I never experienced their bullying side behaviors. I only feel  pride at the great leader they continue to be and can attest to the fact that my success breaking through to them fueled my passion to continue my career journey as an expert communications coach.

Written by Susan Reilly

Susan Reilly is President and Founder of Reilly Connect, a full-service integrated marketing agency.  One of Reilly’s core services is media and communications training.  Reilly uses The Reilly Media Training Method™, a make no bones about it approach to helping people prepare and deliver messages in multiple formats with power, credibility, and authenticity. Reilly has coached world-renowned subject matter experts, leaders of corporations and professional associations, and high profile influencers using their battery-tested, proprietary process to shape complex messages, prepare messengers for presentations and media scenarios that boost the likelihood of favorable results. Reilly offers one-on-on media training, group trainings and workshops. Learn more Here

How to Perfect the Zoom Media Interview and Eliminate the “Thoroughbred Effect”

As expert communications coaches with hundreds of trainees on our alumni list, we can speak to the quirks that impact how you are perceived on camera.  The necessary evil that has arisen to haunt us all and may be here to stay remote live or taped interviews, presentations and meetings.  If you are your own technician, how to look  and sound  your best during a remote presentation or interview puts a great deal of pressure on you to become an expert director of photography and/or sound engineer typically using your laptop computer.  Here are common questions we receive about how to look and sound your best remotely and a few of the tips we share as part of the Reilly Communications Training Method™.

Should I Be Seated During a Zoom Media Interview or Presentation? It is important to remain stationary.  If you are in a chair that does not swivel rather than standing this reduces the likelihood of doing any Casanova moves whether your interview is live or taped.  Swinging and swaying is fun in a dance club but on Zoom it is distracting to the viewer.

What is the Best Camera-Angle for Zoom Media Interviews?  If it is up to you to position the camera for a Zoom interview. Set up a Zoom with someone in advance and practice. Work to adjust the height and position of your computer and camera.  You don’t want your nostrils to become your focal point so strive to have the camera just slightly above eye level to avoid the “Thoroughbred Effect”.  Here is a  great article from Bustle about computer stands with comparative costs.

Where Should I Look on a Zoom Media Interview? This is probably one of the most common questions we receive during our media training workshops and one-on-one media training sessions -  and one of the most important tweaks to look your best.  You must fixate on the camera and do your best to not look away AT ALL as this can be misperceived as disengaged, disinterested and even sketchy.  We prefer exterior webcams as they are easier to stare at than cameras built in to your computer. Here is a great review from Forbes by accomplished technology writer Jason Rich reviewing web cameras.  If, however,  you prefer or must use your built-in camera,  place a very small sticker next to the camera on your computer to make it easier for you to gaze into it. 

Can You Share Any Other Technology Tips for Zoom Media Interview Success?  While Zoom is the most popular software applications today, make sure the media outlet shares with you their tech specs.  And be sure to download the most current version of any software application to ensure optimum performance.  A hardline wired connection to your computer vs. WiFi also reduces any likelihood of unstable connectivity which could disrupt and even end your interview abruptly. You should also avoid virtual backgrounds as they can appear distorted. Choose simple soft colors.  Avoid cluttered backgrounds that are overly branded or attempt to share a history of your life to limit distractions.  Also consider avoiding stark overhead lights or shooting into windows.  Unless you have invested in a 4K webcam, consider purchasing lighting to look your best.  Here is a great article on some options to consider along with pricing by Jason Parnell-Brookes the Channel Editor for Cameras and Skywatching at www.Space.com.

Reilly Connect is an award-winning PR, brand and digital content marketing agency headquartered in Chicago. One of the firm’s core competencies is communications training using the Reilly Communications Training Method™, a make no bones about it approach to helping people prepare and deliver messages in multiple formats with power, credibility, and authenticity. We offer one-on-on communications training, group trainings and workshops. Learn more here.

Five Things to Consider When Hiring a Media Coach

Your new CEO is about to embark on their first external speaking engagement or media interview.  You’ve inked the deal with the celebrity influencer to serve front and center on your consumer health awareness campaign. The lead investigators on scientific studies with breakthrough findings have been asked to decipher the data for a slew of high profile traditional and social media outlets. The strategies and messages are set but the messengers have left you and your team less than inspired in your pre-launch briefing sessions despite their title, accomplishments and/or notoriety.  For many it can be difficult to give constructive criticism to people who are representing a company or a brand. Constructive cricitism is first nature to highly-skilled outside communications training experts. Here are some tips to consider as you search for the best media training experts:

1.     Experience Matters: Coaches who have worked across sectors and with many personalities bring real world insights and observations. Media training techniques are the basis of trainings but time in the trenches working with people from all walks of life whether celebrity influencers or CEO’s cannot be replicated.

2.     Regulatory  Knowledge: Celebrity influencers are increasingly playing a key role speaking to patients about chronic illness across multiple channels. The Food and Drug Administration and the Federal Trade Commission are charged with monitoring communications.  Spokespeople must be FDA compliant when sharing their stories and your messages. An expert media coach should be as well if they are going to deliver responsible media training.

3.     Subject Matter Expertise: Basic media techniques can be honed but an expert media coach with in-depth experience in your sector brings value-added knowledge and an understanding of the media landscape. For example, if you are looking for a media coach to work with a celebrity influencer or health expert who will serve as a spokesperson on a consumer awareness campaign surrounding a complex health condition a coach that has extensive skills at effectively translating medical messaging into understandable consumer terms is invaluable.

4.     Coaching Style: Media training is an awkward process. To be effective, expert media coaches must constructively critique a person and egos can get involved. Celebrity influencers and high-profile spokespersons along with their staffs can intimidate less experienced professionals.  A good coach must be assertive and able to handle trainee pushback. Since no two people are alike, can the coach pivot and adapt to varying personalities, seniority, fame, or resistance to being coached?

5.     Likeability: You have a choice of who to work with as does the trainer or training team. While media coaching isn’t about winning a popularity contest, it helps if the person doing the critiquing is objective, fair, encouraging and someone your trainee will listen to like and respect. 

The Media Coach™ is Reilly Connect’s media training resource. We use The Reilly Media Training Method™, a make no bones about it approach to helping people prepare and deliver messages in multiple formats with power, credibility, and authenticity. We offer one-on-on media training and group trainings. Learn more Here.