How a “Bully” Fueled My Passion for Communications Coaching
Susan Reilly
Agency Founder. Persuasive Communications Expert. Health and Wellness Devotee. Serial Entrepreneur. Lover of Words. Visual Storyteller. Photographer. Sailing Buff. Views are My Own as the Owner.
January 19, 2024
Note: This blog is based on my experience. It is the real deal. The pronoun "they" is used intentionally.
They “yell” the prospect said. The last two expert media coaches left the room crying. What on Earth? My curiosity was piqued. My competitive nature was challenged. Twelve months of supporting what sounded like a threatened animal ready to retaliate. Nothing to cry about! My proposal was accepted. The trainee was a new CEO who would be in the hot seat with financial, business, and sector specific media and of course shareholders. They were the face of a Fortune 500 company. The assignment: quarterly 8-hour sessions to prepare for these high profile media interviews and shareholder presentations. I fondly remember the first session like it was yesterday. I was ready for the bullying beast.
As I prepped for the initial session, I pondered my approach. I was suspect that they shared the common trait of bullies. According to mental health experts and research that trait is insecurity. Insecurity so intense that intimidation is the wall used to prevent others from seeing the naked truth. Experts agree that bullies have major trust issues. These are challenging characteristic for communications trainers.
My goal was simple and that was to break this so-called bully down so that I would become a trusted adviser. The Doors song, “Break on Through” was my motivational mantra to help. This is no job for the feign of heart especially with leadership or individuals who have a volatile nature. Anyone can review and drill using the standard tools and communications techniques. I needed a strategy to build trust. I opened with, “Today is designed to protect you and to ensure that you are happy with the outcome of your interviews and presentations.” While I do not profess to be a psychologist (even though it was among my triple major in college) or mental health expert, it is well-documented that somewhere along the line bullies were not protected early in life so their feelings of vulnerability compounded. As a result they build their own protective shields and intimidation is part of that. My opening statement resonated. We got off on off the right footing. No yelling. No bullying.
The cold hard truth was (and remains) at the core of my approach and feedback through the first and many subsequent sessions. My prep was and always is a deep immersion. While this should be a given, it has perplexed me when people come unprepared to any training session especially if they are leading or facilitating it.
The first session started. We were in a room with a two-way mirror. Some of the internal communications team was present. I cleared the room. No one wants to be under a microscope with an audience peering at them. I grilled and grilled and grilled. My simulations with the trainee included changing styles, reordering questions, throwing in inaccuracies, flinging darts, interrupting and digressing for eight straight hours. I was not bullying but I did make them sweat. No yelling by either of us. Just intense evaluation and message refinement. I freely said that makes no sense. You just keep rambling. That wasn’t the message. Your facts are simply wrong. Do you really want to say that? Stop talking. You look like you are in pain. Take a deep breath and smile before the camera starts. I gave very precise feedback when they stumble. With mutual respect, we discussed messaging and maneuvers, techniques, and tips to improve engagement, message accuracy and a conversational, confident tone.
They were insecure, perhaps a bit fearful compounded by egotistical thus the likely lashing out, bully-like behavior the Comms team shared with me. Honestly, I have yet to train anyone who is 100 percent secure. In fact, those who are braggadocio in my experience perform the worst.
The bright spot with this trainee was an immense sense of responsibility. They wanted to do the best job possible devoid of embarrassment and make sure all the bases were covered. There was never fear on my part. I broke through and they were able to learn and get better at traversing challenging media interviews and Q&A formats. Their fears evaporated and transformed into a desire for more challenges. Mutual respect was high and their abilities to maneuver the media landscape were that of a champ. We even had some laughs. Mission accomplished.
I felt immense gratification. I went in prepared for the challenge and left with a burning passion to help others to deliver messages with clarity, conviction, and passion devoid of judgment.
Communications training is uncomfortable and if it isn’t then you are not likely to be getting very effective training. Coaches must breakthrough individual barriers to successfully coach. Honesty should be the foundation of any communications team. Yet giving unbiased guidance about communications performance can be a challenge given the unique idiosyncrasies of leaders and internal politics teams face every day. Many internal experts can maintain great relations while openly dissing a CEO’s communications skills, but it is never comfortable or easy and not without risk. Outside counsel can have greater success cutting to the chase to help leadership become more effective communicators. We just walk away at the end of the day. Furthermore, leaders do not always want their teams to see them revealing their insecurities so outside communications expert may be more effective. We have nothing at stake except to help trainees deliver messages with impact, accuracy, and authenticity.
I became a trusted adviser. I never experienced their bullying side behaviors. I only feel pride at the great leader they continue to be and can attest to the fact that my success breaking through to them fueled my passion to continue my career journey as an expert communications coach.
Written by Susan Reilly
Susan Reilly is President and Founder of Reilly Connect, a full-service integrated marketing agency. One of Reilly’s core services is media and communications training. Reilly uses The Reilly Media Training Method™, a make no bones about it approach to helping people prepare and deliver messages in multiple formats with power, credibility, and authenticity. Reilly has coached world-renowned subject matter experts, leaders of corporations and professional associations, and high profile influencers using their battery-tested, proprietary process to shape complex messages, prepare messengers for presentations and media scenarios that boost the likelihood of favorable results. Reilly offers one-on-on media training, group trainings and workshops. Learn more Here
